There’s a “draft”, an unpublished post I wrote like three days ago, on this website that I haven’t been able to push myself to publish, but it explains quite a bit of my recent radio silence in most forms of social media I play around with. Still, I do want to mention some other aspects of this silence here, and talk some nanowrimo updates too, cause why not.

Starting backwards there, I’ve managed to keep up with the word count, and I don’t even know how. I’ve struggled every day, but I’ve managed to hit that minimum of 1.7k a day somehow. It’s baffling, honestly.

However, I’ve also been really down on other aspects. This week, as a whole, has been…eventful…and educational. I’ve really hit a moment of realizing that not all people are going to be professional, even when they’re in a position where they are required to be. But I guess I’m getting out of line here. This info is for that unpublished post.

Regardless, these events have really drained me, and I hate it. There’s absolutely nothing worse than trying to revise this novel that you’ve been working on for months and months, and then find yourself doubting your ability to either write or revise. Many days I sat at the desk staring at my computer screen, thinking, “I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m not even a good writer. Why even try.”

The thoughts about quitting have crossed my mind so much, that I legitimately gave up one day this week and simply went to sleep. I think I went down an entire afternoon, only to wake up disoriented, and still depressed.

But, slowly, I’ve started to realize that I’m facing the same type of problems all writers face at some point unless they’re either ridiculously lucky or delusional. There will be people who won’t like you. There will be people who will try to sabotage. There will be people who will look at you, your work, and the road ahead of you, and get so envious that they will try and force you to stop and turn around.

And because of those people, you can’t be one of those. You can’t be the one telling yourself that you are bad and can’t keep going. There are just too many people out there who will play against you, so don’t play against yourself.

So, with a sigh, and a deep breath, I continue forward. I apologize for the silence (even if there’s no readers, I apologize–at least–to myself). I need to keep on working and stop doubting.

Onwards to the last 20 days of nanowrimo. Bring it on!