On Friday, I posted a little reading I performed on my school’s radio…and I must admit, hearing it again…ah. I can hear all of the mistakes!

Reading is hard for me. I really don’t know why. I actually have a drama background. I’ve acted in, written, and directed plays. Yet, every time I read anything I’ve written, I freeze. There’s something about reading your own creative work or performing it that I find extremely nerve wrecking.

I’m sure the nervousness can be heard in the recording. I sure can hear it myself. Funny enough, I would normally say that maybe it’s the fear of messing up that makes me shake, but I don’t think it is. I actually mess up royally at the end (you can compare the story I have on HERE with the reading HERE). However, I doubt you’d notice unless you were reading along. At least, people have told me they don’t notice it.

See, I’m good at winging it and improvising. I guess I was taught how to improvise during my theater days. So, it’s not really that.

So what is it? I honestly cannot give an honest response beyond, I’m afraid people are not going to like it. In my experience, no one has ever thrown a tomato at my face while on stage, but it’s still a fear of mine (that they won’t like the performance, not about the flying fruit). I know that with the rising price of water and the draught in California, throwing tomatoes is more of a luxury anyway.

Which leads me to a quick update on my writing. I’m super close to finishing my current draft of the novel. That means I’ll be on one more “nuance” revision from being finished. Everything is right on time…so that gets me thinking about sending it to agents and publishers. For some reason, that idea makes me shake. I don’t know the process at all (and I’ll totally write about looking for agents here), but it’s crazy scary.

I hear writers talk about rejections. I read the rejection letters J.K. Rowling posted on twitter the other day. I’ve heard famous people claim they’ve been rejected over and over again. Sadly, there’s a reason why I have not really been published anywhere.

I never send anything out.

And yet, here I am, just months from sending out my novel, the one thing I’ve put the most energy to.

I guess I shouldn’t really be as worried as I am. Isn’t it like counting your chickens before they hatch? I don’t even know if I’ll have this finished in time after all. But, here’s to hoping. Maybe…maybe in a couple of years, I’ll read the published version of my novel and write a blog post all about it.

Anyway, see you all next week!

(Updated) Fixed hyperlinks :p